I haven’t blogged for a while. Can’t imagine why! My life has suddenly become incredibly busy and I’ve gone into survival mode. But I wanted to take a minute today to share a little about the retreat I was at this weekend. Things were going about as well as could be expected with two babies at a retreat. Saturday evening, the girls were very tired, so I opted out of going to the service and took them to the cabin to go to bed. The service started at 7:00 and that’s normally when H goes to bed anyway. Brian came and put H down and I took care of M.
After Brian left to go to the service, M started getting fussy. I had fed her and changed her, but nothing was working. She’s had some very fussy evenings and it’s been tough. I’ve just been waiting for things to get better. Like I said, survival mode. I put M in my Moby Wrap and went outside to walk with her. H wasn’t asleep, so I didn’t want to go too far. I decided to just walk around the circle of cabins right there and pray. I haven’t had a chance to really spend time in prayer like I should. Or maybe it’s that I haven’t taken the time. One way or another, it hasn’t been happening.
I began by praying for the other families at the camp. Then I prayed for my family. I probably walked for an hour just praying and praying. It’s been a very hard four weeks and I haven’t been taking the time with God that I needed to and it was such a blessing to be able to renew that relationship. I sang some songs that I have always felt bring me closer to God, songs like “Jesus, Name Above All Names”, “I Love You Lord”, and “Praise You”. It was really a nice time.
As often happens, Satan stepped right in and as M spent an hour that evening crying, Brian and I got frustrated with her and with each other. But really, it was like two steps forward, one step back because as she finally fell asleep in my arms, I repented once again for backing away from God. I guess that’s really how it is for most of us. Two steps toward Christ, one step away. But as long as we continue to move toward Him, it’s worth it to go through the trials.
I came home with a renewed desire to be a good wife and mother and to work to build my relationship with God. My devotion this morning reminded me though that even though there are huge adjustments I’m going through, God is with me. He never leaves us. The thought from the devotion that really got me was this. “Pray that God will help you enjoy each moment of this day, resisting the urge to rush on to the next stage of life.” So that’s what I’ve been praying today. That even when M is crying and H is refusing to spit out the acorn she has in her mouth (true story), I will enjoy every moment of this part of motherhood. Because I’ll never get this back. Never again will I have a 16 month old and a 5 week old. Never again will I have two babies who need me so much. And remembering that just makes me smile and want to enjoy every moment.
The last thing God has reminded me of today is that all these things I’m doing need to be to His glory. I heard a song by Steven Curtis Chapman that caught my attention. I’d heard it before, but it really got me today. Here is the verse that caught my attention. The rest of the song is great too, but this one really applies to me.
You are doing great, Jessica! I have been praying for you. I saw you weren’t posting and couldn’t figure out why 😉 Ha! It is an adjustment – A huge one! I have had many of those same days and have had to really focus on God to get me through. Layla is 8 weeks old and things are now getting a tad easier… so maybe that can give you some strength to go on, just give it a couple more weeks and things might slow down… at least for the last 2 nights they have. I am praying for you girl! Give me a call whenever you need to talk, pray together, cry, scream, laugh – whatever! I’m here for you, going through it too and think about you often. Those babies are sooooo blessed to have you for a mama.